“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” Carl Jung 

With the authentic collaboration vision, authentic is the key descriptor. The word authenticity comes from the Greek word authentes, which means acting on one’s own authority. The term implies being grounded in our values, emotions and ethics. It speaks to the precondition of self-awareness. Each day, moment to moment, cultivating self-knowledge is an ongoing investment in becoming who we truly are. In doing so, our confidence and conviction grows. We give ourselves permission to own our uniqueness. As an act of liberation, we go against the grain of conformity and take a stand to be genuine. In some circles, it’s a profound choice to be loyal to self. 

Inherent in authenticity is the pursuit of inner coherence. The process of inner coherence is about aligning our mind, gut intelligence and emotions with our heart. When we attune within and sync into ayni (the principle of respect and reciprocity), we move into the joy of right relationship. With greater ease, our words, thoughts and action meld in harmony. Intention and mindful breathing help to facilitate this process. 

For support, I ask Earth to be my authenticity partner. When I walk in nature, I instinctually feel Earth’s coherence. She reminds me what it’s like to live in a state of flow and unity. I’ve come to understand that becoming intimate with myself enables me to enjoy intimacy with others. 

Authenticity is also a call to deepen integrity and experience the integral sense of being “whole and complete.” Authentic wholeness arises when there’s congruency between what we say, mean and do. When we relate from our inner center of love and wholeness, we reclaim our belonging to Life. With Life at our back, our integrity ramps up our authentic power. We express in a clear and compelling manner. We stop hiding our fears and compromising our values. We bravely reveal who we are. We are true to ourselves while remaining open and receptive to what matters to others. Collaborating with mutual respect becomes natural. 

That said, authenticity is often a challenge. Our culture unwittingly fosters inauthentic expression. Society gives us rules and benchmarks to follow, promotes people pleasing, encourages workaholism and feeds perfectionism. These social tensions can override our desire for authenticity. Furthermore, some family cultures discourage people from developing a healthy sense of self. Relationships become enmeshed if a strong other focus was consistently modelled from an early age. It’s not uncommon to hear people say they “lose themselves” in an intimate relationship. In addition, there are people who define themselves by their roles. When roles change or cease, the unquestioned assumptions come to light, revealing the dark crevice of the unknown. The question, “Who are you, really?” can leave behind a dusty trail of confusion. 

In some circumstances, it’s risky to authentically express. If a strong power imbalance is at play, relating authentically can be destabilizing. There may be negative consequences. Relationships may end. One time, I lost a job because I spoke my truth without carefully considering the implications. I also witnessed a friend who believed that to be loved, she had to be different from who she was. This belief shut-down her authentic voice. Ultimately, wise discernment is needed to decide who and when to speak to about what and how much to disclose. Only we know how to weigh authentic expression with self-protection. 

Balancing being open with the appropriateness of the context is tricky. When I’m unsure, I carve out silence and ask my body’s wisdom to guide me. In a body centric dialogue, I listen deeply to the sensations within. I bring laser focus to what has me feel expanded and contracted, what opens me into authenticity and what shuts me down. Unlike the mind, the body never lies. 

Authenticity is not like turning a light fixture on or off. Rather, it has a dimmer switch. We continually choose the degree to which we honestly share. How we authentically express fluctuates depending on our childhood template, our relationship history, our degree of self-awareness and our perception of safety. When we experience rapport and caring, communicating authentically may be relatively easy. Yet, when conflict erupts and an attack-defend posture takes over, authenticity is often the first victim. 

But here’s the upside: We already are authentic human beings. We’ve simply covered it up with the conditioning, defenses and protective coping strategies that we learned in our childhood. So, for most of us, living and collaborating authentically is a life-long journey of discovery. The process starts with radical self-honesty. When authenticity deepens, self-connection amplifies. We become our own best friend. 

Authenticity is a choice toward greater freedom and empowerment. In this field of resonance, we begin attracting people who also value this quality of relating. When we listen to our desires, needs and values, our authentic expression expands. We access concealed wisdom. When we connect with our truth, we know better, and we do better. When we’re authentic with ourselves, we authentically collaborate with others. 

TRY THIS: As you respond to these questions in a journal, challenge yourself to deepen your authenticity. 

• What helps and hinders my ability to authentically relate?
• What masks am I ready to let go of?
• How do I describe my uniqueness?
• How do I alter my behavior based on what others think?

Contact us to further develop your team’s authentic communication skills.

Elizabeth Soltis

esoltis@bridgesglobal.net